Sometimes You Quit; Or, When Your Boss Cries

I have never quit a job.

Me leaving a job (with the exception of one time I was let go - the story behind which would be an entire blog) has always been inevitable because I was moving to college or home from college, a predetermined going away point that just tick-tocked closer and closer.

That changed this week.

Now, I have known my boss almost my entire life.  My brother and I went to school with her two kids.  She gave me my first job in high school.  She handed me my diploma when I walked across the stage at my high school commencement.  And while she's not exactly a friend, she has played a huge role in my life.  I appreciate the many, many things she has done to help me, especially in the last ten years, despite the fact that we often don't see things the same way.

There's a level of stilted-ness that comes about when you know your boss is trying to sell the business and that your job might not necessarily exist when that happens.  You have to watch what you say, because if the business doesn't sell, you still have to work for her, but at the same time, there are serious questions that need to be addressed.  Knowing if anyone has looked or mad an offer completely changes your timeline.  At the same time, though, you then become responsible for what you tell those below you - you need them to keep working and keep the business running, but you don't want to blindside them with a complete loss of income either.  It's a tightrope.

The tightrope is made thinner by the fact that I don't enjoy my job.  And not just because it doesn't challenge me or I don't enjoy the work, but because I have some fundamental struggles with decisions that are being made at the top and I am burned out from being on call 24 hours a day.

It is time for me to move on.  I know that, and I've felt it for a while, but I had a strange little plan of sticking out another nine months or so before really starting to look elsewhere.  Then a job opened up - not necessarily my Dream Job, but at least a dreamy one - in my desired field, with a raise and benefits.  It was a long road, but I got it.

And suddenly I had to tell my boss that I got a new job, when I hadn't even told her I was applying for one.  As I was telling her, all she could say was, "Ah, Sarah," in this keening way that reminded me of the way my dog whimpers when someone leaves without her.  "What are we going to do without you?"

I replied tongue-in-cheek and excused myself.  Only later that evening did I hear that after I left, her husband found her sitting at the desk, teary-eyed over my abandonment.  I can't say I'm surprised by this, but I wonder if maybe it isn't even more of a sign that I need to go somewhere else, that I allowed myself to become indispensable in a place where I had no desire to remain.

While she was crying, I was just happy for this chapter of my life to close.

Trying New Things

Trying new things is generally not my style.

This year, though, I'm trying to focus on a quote from the TV show Blue Bloods:

I have a secure base.  It doesn't get much more secure than living in your hometown and working for the company that gave you your first job.  Whoever said "you can't go home again" really missed the mark.  You can go home again - you just go home changed.

So though I'll admit that what I've been up to lately doesn't really qualify as daring, it is a new year and I'm making some new choices.

First, a new craft.  My mom bought me a sock loom (I adore socks) for Christmas 2013, and I am finally giving it a try.

You're looking at the better part of six hours of work.

I had to start over at one point, and I'm doing this at work, but still.  Slow going.

This isn't my first experience with loom knitting, but knitting socks is very different.  The yarn is extremely fine (I'm currently using a 2 yarn, but most of the patterns call for a 1 weight), so it has a different texture and the finished product grows very slowly.

The yarn I'm using, in Grapes.

Second, a new beverage.  I have had tea once in my lifetime, about ten years ago.  I can't tell you what kind of tea it was - a coffee shop gave it to me because they were out of what I actually wanted - but I hated it.  My friends, on the other hand, are tea lovers, and one of them is hosting a party for a company called Steeped Tea.  I love to support a direct sales business person!  I'm getting one rooibos tea and one green tea, so we'll see how it goes.

http://www.steepedtea.com/

And last, a new supplement.  Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely an advocate of modern medicine, vaccines, and the power of medical science.  I do not approve of turning our backs on the power of medicine - the recent measles outbreak is proof enough that medicine is an important part of quality of life.  The rise of superbugs and antibiotic resistance is proof enought, though, that sometimes it's better to not have a pill and potion for everything.

So, I'm trying out essential oils.  Several acquaintances have been using oils with good results, and I'm willing to see if I can get any relief from my upset stomach and and sinus congestion.  My first trial run will be with peppermint, cedarwood, and lemon.  We'll see how it goes!

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