Sometimes You Quit; Or, When Your Boss Cries

I have never quit a job.

Me leaving a job (with the exception of one time I was let go - the story behind which would be an entire blog) has always been inevitable because I was moving to college or home from college, a predetermined going away point that just tick-tocked closer and closer.

That changed this week.

Now, I have known my boss almost my entire life.  My brother and I went to school with her two kids.  She gave me my first job in high school.  She handed me my diploma when I walked across the stage at my high school commencement.  And while she's not exactly a friend, she has played a huge role in my life.  I appreciate the many, many things she has done to help me, especially in the last ten years, despite the fact that we often don't see things the same way.

There's a level of stilted-ness that comes about when you know your boss is trying to sell the business and that your job might not necessarily exist when that happens.  You have to watch what you say, because if the business doesn't sell, you still have to work for her, but at the same time, there are serious questions that need to be addressed.  Knowing if anyone has looked or mad an offer completely changes your timeline.  At the same time, though, you then become responsible for what you tell those below you - you need them to keep working and keep the business running, but you don't want to blindside them with a complete loss of income either.  It's a tightrope.

The tightrope is made thinner by the fact that I don't enjoy my job.  And not just because it doesn't challenge me or I don't enjoy the work, but because I have some fundamental struggles with decisions that are being made at the top and I am burned out from being on call 24 hours a day.

It is time for me to move on.  I know that, and I've felt it for a while, but I had a strange little plan of sticking out another nine months or so before really starting to look elsewhere.  Then a job opened up - not necessarily my Dream Job, but at least a dreamy one - in my desired field, with a raise and benefits.  It was a long road, but I got it.

And suddenly I had to tell my boss that I got a new job, when I hadn't even told her I was applying for one.  As I was telling her, all she could say was, "Ah, Sarah," in this keening way that reminded me of the way my dog whimpers when someone leaves without her.  "What are we going to do without you?"

I replied tongue-in-cheek and excused myself.  Only later that evening did I hear that after I left, her husband found her sitting at the desk, teary-eyed over my abandonment.  I can't say I'm surprised by this, but I wonder if maybe it isn't even more of a sign that I need to go somewhere else, that I allowed myself to become indispensable in a place where I had no desire to remain.

While she was crying, I was just happy for this chapter of my life to close.

Things I Don't Know

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not a genius.

That said, I wouldn't consider myself a schmuck either.  I went to a liberal arts college, I've read Moliere and Joseph Conrad and Eve Ensler, and I took physics as an elective.

But over the past few years, I've realized there are things I absolutely don't know, and the kicker is, they're all simple things.  The kinds of things that are so commonplace people actually don't talk about them.  The kinds of things four-year-olds ask you about in the car.  And, whether I'm just forgetful or the least inquisitive child that ever existed, I don't them.  Things like:

1. How does a landline phone work - and why does it still work when the power goes out?
2. How are animal eggs fertilized? (Yes, I live on a farm and no, I really don't know how this works - no one ever said I learned much in biology.)
3. What is the actual purpose of a water tower?

To me, it's sad.  I should know these things, right?  But I know it's not just me.  The thing about landlines and power outages came up in class one day my senior year, and no one knew the answer.  It's just a thing we all take for granted.  

Where is curiosity?  Is this part of growing up - or is this just me?