A Heavy-Girl Conundrum

I'm not supermodel skinny.  I'm not even really anyone's version of skinny.  I hate throwing around words like chunky, heavy, fat, etc., because they mean something different to everyone.  If you're familiar with Gabriel Iglesias, I'm certain I would fall into the "big" category (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, start here.  This guy is hilarious).  I'm also a woman (for anyone who is making their first voyage here and/or isn't paying much attention), and women have gotten more and more "solutions" to body image problems brought about by being overweight, one such solution being our friend The Bodyshaper.

Picture from JC Penney

You could shop this things for days and not see the same one twice.  There's the brief, just for your butt; the old-fashioned just-for-the-stomach girdle; the bicycle short lower body shaper; and full-body shaper.  I probably even missed a few categories.  They come in every color, style, and price point.  Full-body shapers have as many strap styles as a Victoria's Secret multi-way bra.

I have friends that own Shapers, and I look at them every time I enter a department store.  Shapers are basically invisible under clothing while still managing to make you look lighter.  As a girl with large hips and a weird lovehandle-muffin top hybrid going on, I crave that smooth look.  But I just cannot bring myself to buy one.

Maybe part of my hesitancy is the desire to find that ever-elusive "right one."  But honestly, the idea of a Shaper kind of makes me angry.  I spent all my high school and junior high years fighting my body image problems through mean-spirited males, cheating boyfriends, and intentionally hurtful girls, trying to come out the other side where I can accept my body no matter how it looks.  I wouldn't say I've arrived at that point, but I'm closer, and I've also found a man who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what my weight.  There are all kinds of places to look for support in this journey (check out Brittany Herself--some days this blog saves me from myself).

The most amazing professor I ever had happened to be a non-skinny woman (who has whipped herself into a very healthy life by catching the running bug, a disease I will never suffer from).  I think her sole purpose some days was reminding me that my perfectionist tendencies are unhealthy and unrealistic.  Embracing flaws and problems is a process I started under her tutelage, and in that spirit, a Shaper just seems like giving in.  Maybe I don't have a perfectly smooth silhouette, but maybe that doesn't freaking matter.  Maybe it's just fine if I put on a jersey knit dress that clings to all my places whether society would label them good or bad.  Maybe I'd rather be authentic than perfect.